If you’ve just gone through a breakup, then chances are you might be asking yourself, “Should I talk to my ex?”
When it comes to this question, many relationship experts say the same thing: “You shouldn’t contact your ex for ‘X’ amount of days!”
I’m not putting this information down at all, because in all honestly, you shouldn’t contact your ex for at least 30 days after your breakup. However, a lot of men and women make the same mistake before they initiate the well-known “no contact” period. Most guys and girls think that simply not talking to their ex for a period of time will just magically work. Well, unfortunately, you’ve been completely misled – that is, up until this point.
Before you start your no contact period, it’s important to send your ex Strong Signals.
So what do I mean by Strong Signals? Well, simply put, strong signals are indicators that let your ex know that you haven’t been fazed by the breakup. For example, after your partner dumps you, instead of crying, begging or pleading for him or her to change their mind, you simply say, “Okay, I’ve actually been feeling the same way”.
What you’re doing is effectively taking power away from the “dumper” in placing it with you, the “dumpee.”
I mean, imagine that you were about to dump your boyfriend or girlfriend, and after you tell them you want to break up they just said “Okay,” and left the room. That would be sort of weird, right? In fact, it would probably compel you to want to talk to them about it and ask them why they are so indifferent.
Another strong signal is saying something like:
“I’d like to say that I think that our breakup was the best choice. I think we really needed this extra space. Thank you.”
Once you do something like this, then it’s time to initiate the no contact period. This way, you’ll be starting off from a position of power vs. a position of weakness – guaranteed.
The opposite of a Strong Signal is (surprise, surprise) a Weak Signal. These can range from begging and pleading, to acting depressed, crying, etc. If you’ve practiced weak signals in the past then that may be one of the reasons why your relationship has failed.
Weak signals are a product of insecurity. I understand that not everyone can control their emotions — if you’re the jealous type, there’s nothing I can do or say to make you stop being a jealous person, but what you need to realize is that you can’t let your partner know that you’re jealous.
The Video That Will Explain Whether You Should Talk to Your Ex
If you want to learn more about whether or not you should be talking to your ex right now and get more tips for sending him or her strong signals, then watch the free video below.
Men; CLICK HERE TO WATCH THIS VIDEO AND GET YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND BACK.
Women; CLICK HERE TO WATCH HOW TO GET YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND BACK.
Hey Jessica,
Lately, I’ve been racking my brain to figure out how to contact my ex-girlfriend. I‘ve been getting a lot of advice from dating websites like this and personal friends but still feel confused.
I was in a very serious passionate relationship for 6.5 years and spent the last 2.5 dating long distance. She lives in my hometown and I attend grad school in a different country. It has been 4 months since we have contacted each other. The last time we spoke, I told her I didn’t want to speak to her for at least 3 weeks and she told me that she proposed a break for 3-6 months. I deleted her from social media after that call and she blocked me on Facebook and deleted my family the next day.
We had been on again off again since our initial breakup in September 2015. We saw each other on school breaks, but kept things casual by being open to seeing other people in the meantime. Over Christmas however, things heated up and she then wanted to get back together and be exclusive; I refused because I was worried about failing board examinations if we broke up again. Next month, she said that she found someone that “was nice” and she felt she needed a relationship.
Once she told me this, a switch flipped and I desperately tried to win back her affections by regaining steady contact even better than we did when we were in a relationship. I flew back at the end of February and we spent everyday together for a week. She said she only loved me and not “other guy” and we gave each other watches to signify our feelings towards each other. On our last day together, we woke up early and tried to hash out all our issues with each other by discussing our goals, love and grievances for each other and the relationship. Towards the end, I thought we made real progress. Foolishly, I asked her to be my girlfriend there and she said she couldn’t. She drove me to the airport and I narrowly missed my flight because of a dramatic emotion filled fight that ended in “I still love you” at the departures terminal. When I landed in Phoenix, my phone buzzed to 3 text messages telling me she was thinking about me, she loved me and she wanted to talk. I called her later that night. Again, that was the last time we spoke.
Since then, I have tried to better myself by dating other people, learning to play the guitar and keeping a large group of friends while attending school. I still think of her often and miss her like crazy. My friend showed me her Facebook page when we were drunk and she is still dating the same guy. I don’t know whether he is just a rebound or if she has fully moved on. Apart of me thinks she is holding onto a “safe/nice” relationship till I am available. I graduate school in 9 months.
Last December, she bought us both tickets to a music festival and said the last time we spoke that she still would want to go with me. It is now less than one week away and I feel compelled to call her; not to try and go with her; but to just catch up with her and break this 4-month silence.
My question to you is what is too much time to have a period of no contact?
Since its been 4 months, should I call her and leave a voicemail like:
• “Hi! Just wanted give you a quick call because I saw that (music festival name) was only 2 days away. I know you’ve always wanted to go, and I think you should! Anyways, hope all is well!
Or should I wait till I am living back home to regain contact?
I don’t know if she is waiting for me to call or relieved that I haven’t so far. Maybe you could give me a girl’s insight.
I appreciate your advice!
I broke up few days with my girlfriend, because of money, I owe her some money and when she requests for I told her give me time because I couldn’t get them immediately, she got mad and wanted to report me to the police,this is what made me get mad at her, I chased her out of my house and she went paintfully, Now I realized that I miss her alot and want her back completely, what should I do? and how long should I stay away from her before contacting her please help me am completely down
Hello. I’m having problems getting my ex back. She said she doesn’t want to get back together because she think it will confuse her child. And she also said I didn’t like talking about things with her. Which I didn’t because of the past my other ex would go crazy and get mad easily when I talked about things with her so. I didn’t talk about much things with this ex. Because I was use to the past. But, I’m really wanting to get back with her I miss her so much. She also said she lost the spark in our relationship. i am really ready to do whatever it takes to get back with her. And yes. I message her still. She said she just wants to be friends and honesty I try to talk to her About everything she won’t even talk to me about it she just ignores it. She never tried to contact me I’m always the one doing it I just wish I could have her back I’m really a nervous wreck right now we broke up June 12 and I been talking to her just about every day. Please help. I don’t want to lose her in my life, her or her kid.
Hi. My girlfriend and I parted a little over a year ago. We talked just after breakup about getting back together. But she wanted to fix her issues first. So I haven’t heard from her in 8 months. She messaged me a month ago on Facebook. Saying she’s not ready to get married. We briefly discussed it while in relationship. I really love and miss her. Any input? I been thinking of calling her. Thank you.
Hi!
My ex and I broke up on a good note. We didn’t fight, everything was great– we simply realized we both weren’t in a position to be in a relationship yet. We’re both twenty and are super compatible and greatly cared for each other. We’re both trying to be single for about 6 months and are open to the idea of dating in the future. However, since we broke up (about three weeks ago) we haven’t spoken. Would it be okay to reach out to him as a friend? I don’t want him to forget about me but I also don’t want to seem desperate. When would be okay to do this?
Long story short she left me cause she has no feelings for me anymore everything was good I treated her right and everything she moved and she came back she stayed at her new town for a couple weeks came back trying talking to her but she wasn’t interested cause I was still talking to her family she didn’t like that I avoided the 30 day contact I didn’t talk to her for a week and she texted me first but I feel like messed up by replying right when I got the message but she started talking to another guy she told me she wanted to focus on herself but in the end the guy played her they weren’t together but they were talking but the guy got back with his ex I told her that’s she’s gonna get her karma my sister got in it she started talking inappropriate to her cause of they way she hurt me and lied and made excuses I really want to talk to her it’s been 28 days but before that I’d call her and she was different she didn’t seem to acknowledge the things I said and than she would say the things she didn’t like about me in the end of he relationship which I think it’s messed up how she’s telling me all this after we broke up a couple months what should I do ?
Hello I recently was broken up with after me and my girlfriend grew apart over uni, we were long distance and a number of things just pulled us apart like, me being needy, not getting quality time, never being with anyone else. Were each others firsts. We had no problems and it was real love, cam you tell me what I should do now and if In time we can meet again?
Hi Jessica,
I am in need for advice please. I broke up with my girlfriend 22 days ago because she said she needed space after a argument we had and i couldnt cope with that because she wasnt giving me a reason so i got upset i acted out of character with crying to her and also getting a bit angry and a few things i said because i was so upset. I tried to call her after this on other peoples phones because she blocked me on social media and by phone. When i spoke to her on the phone i said sorry i was crying again and said please lets meet up for a coffee etc but she was cold and just said its over its gone too far i cant go back now, she then hung up. Its been 2 weeks now and i dont know what to do i miss her like crazy and i want to call her again and see if i can have a chat. I dont know to do shall i leave it more or call her? he friends said on social media she has been posting stuff like saying “im sad im struggling to get through this week” etc but then there will be another post with her happy and pouting. I am really confused about this because we had such a strong relationship and she was even talking about buying a house etc please give me advise im not in a good place right now, Thankyou